A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the support of Paul.

A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live.

A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.

A nickel ain't worth a dime anymore.

A stockbroker urged me to buy a stock that would triple its value every year. I told him, "At my age, I don't even buy green bananas."

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is  A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice.

All men are equal before fish.

Always end the name of your child with a vowel, so that when you yell the name will carry.

Any girl can be glamorous. All you have to do is stand still and look stupid.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

As a child my family's menu consisted of two choices: take it or leave it.

Be obscure clearly.
Because of their size, parents may be difficult to discipline properly.